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Anxious Love

The Synchronicity Wavelength.jpg

The Synchronicity Wavelength

Anxious LoveEcho Cain
00:00 / 04:45

Genre:
Indie Ballad

Instruments Used:

Vocals

Electric Organ

Acoustic Guitar

Bass Guitar

Alto Saxophone

Lyrics:

 

Dusk settles on the horizon of the water.

They look at each other as the summer’s edge glints and glides between their bones.

A nod, and they loose themselves from the dock into waters colder than the unlit dust of space.

This is a song about love…

 

[Saxophone, light vocals, and bass introduce the song]

 

Help me, maybe you’ll see…

 

I give my time to everyone.

I let it flow from star to sun

And yet you swing out far; you stare out past; and you never think to turn back and laugh.

 

Well, I love you; I hope you love me.

The chance of this feels small you see

And so I feel worthless like a no-jewel ring.

And this anxious love: it is my thing.

 

Anxious love. (Anxious love)

Anxious love. (Anxious love)

Anxious love. Anxious love.

 

Well my shame and pain,

The id still untamed;

I can’t help myself: something wrong with my brain.

And you notice not these subtle moves

Even though you know just how to groove.

 

I lay here crying, haunted by my ghosts.

I’m all fucked up because you mean the most.

And I wear out fast; I wear out thin; and this anxious love is here again.

 

Anxious love.

Anxious love (Anxious love)

Anxious love. (Anxious love) Anxious love.

 

[The mix reverses as the alto saxophone solos along with it]

 

It’s been a long time since I been on the road.

It’s been a long time since I loved, but I don’t where to go.

And there’s fear in my heart and jitters through my skin.

This anxious love will set me free again.

 

[The mode of the music shifts into vaguely Phrygian or Locrian as the saxophone leads the audience away]

Analysis:

    

       It is incredibly difficult for me to talk about this song. I wrote it at a depressing low point of my life that occurred briefly before I changed my name to “Echo” and came out as non-binary.

       I will forgo analyzing this song too heavily due to how closely related it is to fairly recent personal trauma. Emotional labor is often part of the artistic process, but dissecting it later isn’t. The main way that it plays into the themes of the album is that the love felt in the song is a cyclical expression of relationships. As someone who is often misunderstood in both gender expression AND sexuality, my intimate relationships have been defined by a traumatic repetition of the same themes: worthlessness and rejection. This song displays this at the center of the album, as it is one of the ways that I personally feel the cyclicity that every song is about. It is literally central to me; I feel the cycle most strongly in this particular way at certain times.

        The abrupt reversal at the end of the song shows the anxiety inherent to a slow ballad like this. The saxophone seems to speed up, yet actually stays at the same tempo! When a person looks at something with a new perspective, they understand the same subject differently, though it retains characteristics of the original perception. This way in which memory constructs reality in human consciousness shows that the stories we tell, the myths create our reality. Every life event reminds us of a story (or perhaps a forgotten tale that you don’t remember but may run into one day). A lot of us construct our identities from stereotypes, inscribing our personalities and potentially physical appearances with signifiers denoting certain statuses, virtues, and alignments.

        Understanding this tendency that humans have, what does it do to those who don’t fit into a “classical story”? Or, worse yet, fit in as slaves or demons?! Much of this album is about breaking the cycle and seeing our world for what it is, a never-ending torrent of suffering and poisonous hate. This leaves, for a lot of us, the archetype of the hermit; the archetype of the exile; the archetype of the harpy; the archetype of the witch; the archetype of the slave; and the archetype of the demon. These are just a few of the “negative archetypes” that are thrust upon those that are not fit exactly to society’s expectations. Some are self-inflicted while others are very much forced upon their hosts. Archetypes are like parasites and this song breaks down concepts of hetero-masculine love and shows that the most broken thing about it is that you can’t reach out. The modern man is expected to be an island, to be a rock. This song is a recognition of toxic masculinity and a rejection of it. I am not harsh; I am compassionate and loving. I am water and fire and earth and air, but I am not hard rock. I may be slow at times, but I move and change with the wind’s errant directions. In the last few lines, “This anxious love will set me free again”, I show that I am free because of my willingness to let my experiences shift me and cause internal change. This will become the talisman that is retrieved by the end of the 2nd narrative cycle that was started in “Far Out”. Change is a central part of the second half of the album.

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